


Whiskey & Strawberries

by TheSwedishMystery



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Drunkenness, F/F, Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 06:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2418218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSwedishMystery/pseuds/TheSwedishMystery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes when the work at the BAU becomes a bit too much you need to unwind a little. JJ and Garcia decide to fight the darkness with a couple of drinks and a long talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Earlier in the evening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story takes place in season three somewhere between the episode "Penelope" (3x09) and episode "The Crossing" (3x18). I would like to thank my wonderful friend Mediatorsk for beta reading - her input has been invaluable.

The waiting was the worst. Especially on a case like this it was nothing but unbearable. JJ and Garcia had been sitting in Garcia’s small office waiting for a call from the team for more than three hours. They sat in silence; both of them were on edge and unable to make small talk while standing by and hoping the phone would ring. Every time there was a case where a child’s life was at stake everyone in the BAU team was extra tense, extra vigilant, working extra hard, trying to make the most out of their skills and experience.

A six year old girl had been abducted and gone for a week outside San Francisco. Since two other children had been abducted and murdered in the same area seven years ago the local police suspected there might be a connection and called in the BAU five days after the girl’s disappearance. Since then everyone had been desperately working nonstop to find little Emma Hampton, which was the girl’s name. They had gotten a solid lead on a possible suspect or unsub as the BAU called their suspects, the same day they arrived to the crime scene and the rest of the investigation was about figuring out where the unsub was and where he might hide Emma. Finally with a little bit of luck Reid - their genius colleague with eidetic memory, brilliantly found a link between some old evidence and an address that was connected to the suspect.

That had been three hours ago and the waiting was starting to feel worse than torture. Both JJ and Garcia wished they could help in some way but all they could do was sit and wait for their colleagues to call them and tell them if they had found little Emma. The fact that the suspect was an armed man on heavy medication added a lot of worry for their team mates as well.

JJ sighed and looked over at Garcia who had managed to bite down all her fake turquoise fingernails. She gave her friend an encouraging smile. The air inside the room was stale and both of them had been working in the same clothes for the last 48 hours. JJ had been required to stay back at Quantico this time because a hysterical politician had felt threatened and raised a shit storm when she initiated the first contact with the local authorities. The situation had gotten so bad that she had been ordered by Section Chief Strauss to stay back and help Garcia instead of going with the rest of the team. JJ couldn’t help but to feel a little insulted over the way Hotch had so quickly accepted Strauss’ ruling but she knew that there hadn’t been much time for discussing politics with the Section Chief before the BAU team’s departure. Besides, she liked working with Garcia and the two of them had managed to find some very useful clues that had been crucial in the investigation.

Both of them jumped when the phone rang.

“Oh finally! Give me some good news Sugar, have you found her?” Garcia’s voice was desperately trying to sound hopeful and JJ instinctively reached for the computer tech’s hand. By the way Garcia addressed the caller JJ knew it was Derek Morgan – he and Garcia always flirted over the phone when they worked. It was their way of keeping away the darkness they constantly had to face in their line of work.

There was a pause and Garcia and JJ held their breaths for what felt like an eternity for them. Finally Morgan spoke; “I wish I could Sweetie Pie but... yeah, we found her... she wasn’t alive.”

”Oh” Garcia couldn’t think of anything else to say. It was just so devastating. Both she and JJ were floored by the futility of it all. They had all pushed themselves beyond fatigue, irritation and despair for two days on the small hope that they could save little Emma but to no avail. It was heartbreaking.

”She had been dead for at least five days so there was nothing we could have done.” Morgan sounded so defeated when he said this that Garcia wanted to cry. Since BAU had been called in on the case two days ago they had been too late from the start.

“Did we at least get the unsub?” JJ tried to look for some good news in all of the darkness.

“Yeah, I guess that’s something, right? Well, this case is over. We’re staying the night and will fly home tomorrow. See you on Monday.” Morgan was so disappointed and sad that he had no extra sweet words to say to his favorite computer nerd. He was at loss for words and Garcia felt the same way.

”Yeah, see you on Monday.” There was a click in the other end of the line and silence filled the room except for the discreet humming of Garcia’s computers.

The two female agents couldn’t say a word for several minutes afterwards. They just sat looking bleary-eyed at the computer screens before them. They couldn’t win all the time, even though they were supposed to be the best. Sometimes the circumstances made it impossible for them to prevent the crime; to be too late even before they had even started. It was depressing beyond words.

Finally JJ spoke up; “Let’s get out of here.”

Garcia took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes with one hand and for a while JJ was afraid that the other woman would start to cry. She really couldn’t handle that. It was hard enough to handle the strange computer tech when she was ‘normal’, but an emotional Garcia was more than JJ could take right now when she could barely handle her own feelings herself.

Garcia put her glasses back on and gave her blonde colleague a tired smile: “Yeah, let’s get out of here.”

* * *

When they got out of the building on wobbly, tired legs it was already dark. The evening was crisp and smelled like autumn. Since JJ and Garcia had been called in for the case late in the evening two days ago and worked nonstop without sleep for 48 hours in a room without windows they felt the night had been going on forever.

JJ suddenly stopped. “Damn!”

“What?”

“I just remembered that my car is at the garage for repairs.”

JJ turned to Garcia but before she could ask her friend for a ride, Garcia interrupted her:  
“I’ll give you a ride”, Garcia offered. “Please jump in and take a seat in Esther!”

Esther was Garcia’s beautiful vintage car and JJ was surprised how comfortable the old car was. They drove into town in silence, the sadness of their latest case slowly sinking in.

JJ looked out of the car window, watching the city lights passing by. “You don’t have to drive me all the way home. You can drop me off anywhere in the city.”

“Absolutely not! It’s no trouble at all for me to drive you to your place. So please let me a ‘gentlewoman’ and drive you to the door.”

“Thank you, but I don’t think I want to go home right away, I think I will go for a drink first.”

Garcia looked at JJ like she thought she was nuts. “You want to go out after a case like this?”

“Yeah, what else is there to do? You want to join me?”

“I am not really in the mood to party to be honest, and neither should you be.”

“I’m not talking about partying, I’m talking about drinking.”

Garcia took a long look at her and then continued to drive in silence for a couple of minutes.

“I won’t be able to sleep tonight anyway so why not drink myself into oblivion?”

JJ couldn’t help but smile. It was good to have company on a night like this.

* * *

Garcia parked Esther outside her house. She lived in an area with a lot of good bars so the girls decided to go from there. After a three minute walk they found a humble but agreeable looking bar with old soul music playing in the background and decided it was a good place to start.

As soon as they settled at a table in a cozy corner of the place with their beers, they felt the exhaustion from the last two days hit them like a ton of bricks. They both sighed while smiling wearily at each other and sank slowly into their chairs. The first sip of beer felt heavenly and went straight to their heads in a nice, fuzzy way, making their limbs feel heavy. Since neither of them were able to shake off the devastation and sadness of the case, they sat in silence for a long while, staring at the small bubbles in the beer swimming up to the surface.

“Oh, the humanity!” Garcia said it to no one in particular but she felt it kind of fitted how she felt at the moment.

JJ raised her glass: “I’ll drink to that.”

The two female agents raised their glasses to humanity and then took a big gulp. This time around the beer poured some new life into both of them and they realized that they needed to unburden all the grief and stress from the last two days.

“That poor girl! I really thought that we would have been able to save her. I really thought that if we worked hard enough, if I worked hard enough… we would have found her alive.” JJ looked like she was about to cry but then she took another big gulp from the beer glass. “Damn it!”

Garcia put her hand on her friend’s shoulder, giving it a friendly squeeze to show that she felt the same way. “I can’t help thinking about her family and what they must be going through right now.”

“Same here… it’s all so heartbreaking. The moment Derek told us that she was dead I just wanted to scream and cry.”

“Yeah, I just wish we would have got this case sooner.”

“It’s all my fault you know.” JJ looked down deep in her beer glass.

“What? No, of course it isn’t! Why would you think that?”

”I shouldn’t have chosen this case for BAU to investigate. I should have known that it would be a dead run when the police contacted us five days after the girl was abducted. I should have taken those five days into consideration and realized that the girl probably would have been murdered by the unsub by then. Instead I made everyone go across the country on a desperate chase after a dead little girl.”

“But you couldn’t have known that she was dead! When we started to work on this case we knew that it was a very small chance that she would be alive when we found her, but we all jumped on that small chance.”

“But I could have chosen another case where we might have saved someone else. It would have prevented us from all the heartbreak. God, knows we see it all too much in our jobs. Not to mention that Strauss will think that we wasted government money on a dead case that gives the FBI bad PR.”

“Never mind what Section Chief Strauss thinks, hon. If we only did what she wants us to do, we would never be able to get the work done.” Garcia couldn’t believe how much JJ was beating herself up over something that wasn’t her fault and couldn’t have prevented.

“I know but… ” JJ was almost at the verge of tears.

“Ok, listen to me my sweet cupcake of sunshine! That girl, dead or alive, deserved to have the best people in the country looking for her when she was abducted. And she had the best team to come looking for her, you gave her that. I don’t see it as a wasted effort on our part even though we were called in too late.”

“I… I guess so… ” JJ gave up a deep, trembling sigh. “Sometimes this job is so... so damn hard to live with.”

“Amen to that.” Garcia took another big gulp from the beer. “When you dig up information about the victims and see all the photos of them it feels like you know them a little bit. They become someone you care about, almost like a friend. And losing them like that little girl today, Emma… it’s like losing a little part of yourself, even though I haven’t met her in real life.”

“I know exactly what you mean… We aren’t supposed to make it personal or take the job home with us but we all do it. It would be inhumane not to. If I wasn’t sitting here taking a beer with you, I probably would be at home curled up in a little ball, crying my heart out right now”

“Oh JJ!” Garcia patted her friend’s back when she heard this.

”Still, I wouldn’t want to have any other job in the world. Isn’t that strange?”

“I think it’s the same with me. But I don’t know if I can work with this for the rest of my life. It scares me how much it affects me. I don’t want to be hard and jaded or unemotional like Hotch.”

“You will never be jaded.” JJ took Garcia’s hand they smiled at each other, while thinking of how much their boss had changed since they had started working together.

“But, seriously aren’t you a little bit worried about him? I don’t think I have seen Hotch smile in over a year or you know… since his wife left him.”

JJ took another swig of the beer. “Yes, I am worried about him. But I don’t think Haley left him because of the job, I suspect Hotch left Haley for the job. If he continues the way he’s doing right now he will eventually burn himself out. Just like Gideon.”

The two women became silent thinking of the senior profiler who had left them so abruptly. They drank up their beer and JJ went for another round. When she came back and looked at Garcia’s red eyes and wrinkly clothes she realized how disheveled and awful the two of them must look. They probably smelled bad as well and it made JJ shake her head. She never thought in a million years that she would go out on a Friday night looking like this and not caring.

JJ and Garcia made a toast to Gideon wherever he was and wished him the best of luck. Otis Redding sang _Try A Little Tenderness_ in the background and the two female agents stopped talking for awhile and listened to the song. It was a beautiful song that had a soothing effect on them.

Garcia turned to JJ. “Do you really think Hotch is in danger of burning out?”

“I wish I could say no but you know how Hotch is, he takes the whole world on his shoulders. Ever since Haley left he seems to be at work all the time. No one could run the BAU as good as he does but he is pushing himself too far. It’s a recipe for disaster.”

“I guess you’re right. I wish he and Haley could work it out because she and Jack made Hotch more human. It’s so obvious that he still loves her.”

“I hoped when Rossi came onto the team that he would be able to take the pressure off Hotch a bit. They seem to be old friends and on the same level so maybe Hotch could open up a little. It would do him good… maybe get some advice on how to work it out with Haley.”

“Ha, I wouldn’t know about that... Rossi has been married three times so maybe he’s not the right guy to talk to about marital problems.” Garcia smirked.

“Three times?!” JJ couldn’t believe her ears. Even though she had read most of Rossi’s books and admired him immensely, this was news to her.

”You didn’t know that? Well, the divorce rate is ten times higher among FBI agents and profilers compared to other government workers… ”

“Now you sound like Reid, rattling out facts like a human computer.”

“Oooh that’s not good! I love and admire our boy genius to bits and he is fantastic and indispensable to our team, but sometimes I get the feeling that he thinks the only social contribution he can make is to be a walking encyclopedia.”

“Yeah I know. Don’t you hate it when he starts giving you a lecture on something that you already know? And when you tell him that you already know what he is talking about he gets kind of snotty and irritated about it”

“God, tell me about it. It’s super mega irritating. I wonder what big idiots he thinks the rest of us are sometimes.”

“Ugh yeah! It must be lonely to be a genius... ” JJ trailed off and looked at her beer that was “mysteriously” empty. She realized they needed another refill but before she could ask Garcia if she was up for beer number three, a loud gang of men in business suits flooded into the small bar and JJ and Garcia took it as a sign to move on. Garcia knew a nice place close by that made cheap drinks in bright colors with lots of umbrellas in them so they went there. The place was called _Riff Raff_ and looked like an insane mix between a café, a second hand shop and a karaoke bar. The interior of the bar was filled with insane memorabilia and vintage furniture and all the people in the bar looked like they just came from _Rocky Horror Picture Show_. JJ looked around at the place in amazement. It didn’t fit her mood this particular night but it was a place that was very much Garcia.

“Eh, do you go here often?”

“Not so much since my brother Mario joined the cast of _Cats_ in Denver.”

It made sense to JJ. They found a table and a sofa by the window and Garcia went to order some drinks. She came back with two huge frilly drinks in a bright blue color and a dozen umbrellas in them.

When JJ looked a little hesitant at the drink Garcia blinked at her:  
“Give it a try. This one is called Joan Crawford and it’s to die for, trust me!”

Garcia was right. Joan Crawford was to die for and had a healthy dose of gin in it.

“So what do you think of Rossi?” wondered Garcia.

“He is the reason why I am here, working for the FBI. I went to a book signing with him once in when I was at Georgetown and that actually made me sign up for the academy.”

“Really? Wow!” JJ’s statement made Garcia pause and think a little. “I don’t know what to make of the guy. Derek told me Rossi has been pestering him about all these weird religious, philosophical questions and pressuring him into going to a church. Derek doesn’t like it at all.”

“What kind of weird questions?”

“Like what if there’s some evil force behind all the awful things criminals do?”

“That’s strange because Rossi gives such a calm, pragmatic impression. He doesn’t strike me as the religious type or anyone who dwells too much upon existential questions about human nature. But then again, in our profession… how can we not do that?”

“Do you believe in evil?”

It was such a heavy question that it prompted JJ to go the bar and buy them a new drink. She came back with a pink drink called Tom of Finland in strange glasses shaped like muscular, naked men. Garcia thought it was hilarious that JJ had gone for that drink. Tom of Finland tasted of mostly of Red Bull and rum and had a pretty strong zing to it. After downing half of the drink, both of them were ready for a more philosophical discussion.

“Do you believe in evil Garcia?”

“Do I believe if there’s darker power behind all the terrible crimes we are trying to solve? No. It would be taking away all the responsibility from the unsubs and what they do.”

“But don’t you wonder where all this brutality and cruelty comes from? Every time I think I have seen it all there will be a new unsub with even sicker ways of killing his victims than the one before him. Like the unsubs who make their own torture tools for example… where do they even come up with ideas like that?”

“Yeah, it is mind boggling to say the least. But I don’t know if evil is the right word for an unsub. When you scrape a little on the surface of the unsubs we have taken, most of them come off as incredibly pathetic and lonely.”

“So you mean when a man tortures, rapes and murders several women it’s because of loneliness?”

“No of course not! But I think loneliness is more a part of the equation than them being possessed by the devil. It’s a part of the explanation for what they did but it doesn’t mean it will ever be an excuse for their crimes.”

JJ nodded while her eyes were transfixed by the drink glass she held in her hand. “Yeah, I wonder if there any explanations or excuses that makes killing someone justifiable... ” The two women fell quiet, thinking of the police man who had tried to kill Garcia a while ago, a man who JJ eventually had to shoot to death. The memory was still a little too raw for them to talk about.

“Sometimes we do what we have to do JJ. You know that.” Garcia’s voice was low and soothing. She really wanted to make JJ feel better about what she had done. She still felt guilty her friend had to kill a man because of her.

“Elle probably thought she did what she had to do when she shot that serial rapist…”

At the mention of their former colleague Garcia looked at JJ intensively: “You really think she shot that guy in cold blood?”

JJ struggled a little bit with what she was about to say. “Yes, I do. I mean, why else would she have left the team the way she did?”

“I guess you are right. Do you have any idea what she is up to now?”

“I have no idea. I can’t say I ever got to know her. I don’t think she liked me very much to be honest.”

“I don’t think she liked me very much either. She seemed so cold, like she had a chip on her shoulder.”

“Exactly! But I have seen her when she was talking with victims and she was always amazing with them - empathic, warm and considerate, especially towards female victims.”

“Really? Because I got the impression she hated women or something… but what do I know, I only worked with her…“ Garcia shrugged.

“Well, people can surprise you, you know.”

“Oh, yes they can. Like Emily - in the beginning I thought she had like zero sense of humor. Talking with her on the phone when she started working at BAU was downright painful but now I have come to realize that she actually is pretty funny in a awkward, dorky kind of way.”

Suddenly the bartender showed up with two dangerous looking black drinks with red streaks in them, decorated with red umbrellas and little plastic Draculas on the top.

“Two Vampirellas for you lovely ladies! Compliments from the lady in the pink wig standing by the bar.”

They looked up and saw a fantastic looking black transvestite in a pink beehive together with her friends who looked just as fabulous, raising her glass to them.

“I **LOVE** you girl! Call me next week so we can have some fun!”

Garcia raised her glass to the transvestite and shouted back; “I love you too Shawniqua! Thank you for the drink, I’ll call you!”

Shawniqua gave her thumbs up and turned back to her friends.

“She’s a friend of my brother and we go to the same macramé class.” Garcia explained when she saw JJ’s confused look. “Don’t give me that look; macramé has a calming effect on my delicate nerves my dear. But as I was trying to say before we got this delicious looking drink… I like Emily!”

“Me too! At first I thought she was one of those ruthless climbers who use their connections to just glide through their career without having to do anything, but she’s not like that at all. Even though I have heard that her family is pretty well connected.... ” JJ dared a first sip on the Vampirella drink. It tasted… interesting with a lot of vodka. It might not have been her favorite drink but JJ was working up a pretty good buzz and she wasn’t about to stop drinking any time soon.

“You could say that. I think you can track Emily’s roots all the way back the Mayflower. Once she showed me an invite to a Tee Ball at the White House with the President.”

JJ made a whistling sound. “Wow, a ball at the White House!”

“We were working on the Katie case – the little girl that was abducted in the mall, at the time. I got the impression Emily was pretty thankful to have an excuse to not go to the ball.”

Suddenly the bar announced it was time for karaoke and since JJ and Garcia weren’t in the mood for singing or other cheery activities plus the sad fact that their Vampirella drinks were long gone, they decided to continue their journey into oblivion at a quieter place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued in "Chapter 2. - Later in the evening"...


	2. Later in the evening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to say a BIG thank you once again to Mediatorsk for beta reading, encouragement and being a great friend (she’s also a pretty terrific writer, check out her stories!). 
> 
> Oh, and I borrowed a sentence from “Y: The Last Man” (which is a pretty awesome graphic novel). For any of you who have read the series – see if you can spot that one ;)

It didn’t take long until Garcia and JJ found a small bar by the corner of a park. The bar was bleak and downtrodden with a wobbly pool table, a jukebox with sad country music, regulars with little or no teeth and a gloomy looking bartender. The bar fitted their mood perfectly. The two women settled themselves by the bar and Garcia managed to convince the bartender to make a Frozen Strawberry Daiquiri for her even though he clearly was more comfortable with serving beer and hard liquor. JJ asked for a double whiskey and got something that looked more like a triple whiskey. She gave Garcia a smile before she downed the glass in less than two seconds.

“May I have another one please?”

“Oh boy JJ, you were really serious about drinking tonight, weren’t you?” Both Garcia and the bartender looked shocked at the petite blonde when she slammed the empty glass back on the bar.

JJ dried her mouth with the back of her hand. “Yep.”

The bartender showed up with a new glass of whiskey and Garcia’s Frozen Strawberry Daiquiri. “Maybe you ladies should think of taking it a little bit easy. Let the whiskey disappear slowly this time, please. I don’t want you to drink yourselves into any trouble, ok?”

“Loud and clear. It’s just one of those days you know... ”

“It’s one of those days everyday in this place.” muttered the bartender and walked away.

JJ turned to Garcia who was trying her new drink. “So how is your drink?”

Garcia grinned happily. “I think I might be too drunk to answer that question properly right now but the drink has the right color though so it must be good.”

“I am so glad that you wanted to come with me tonight, do you know that?”

“Well, someone has to make sure you don’t get into any trouble, Dollface.”

“Hey, I just promised that I would drink this slooooowly. No trouble here.” JJ winked at Garcia.

“Yeah right, that’s what you all say, you blonde all-American small town girls… ”

Suddenly little Emma Hampton’s face were all over the two TV screens that hung over the bar and both JJ and Garcia were reminded why they were out drinking in the first place. Emma’s murder would probably be the top story on most news channels in the whole country the next few days. The mood in the bar dropped significantly with the sad bulletin.

“Such a horrible, horrible story! That poor little girl!” The bartender shook his head and looked even more depressed than he did before.

“At least they caught the guy.” This time it was Garcia who was the one trying to find a small positive note in all of the tragedy.

The bartender shrugged at this and turned to another customer who waved a dollar bill in his hand, leaving the two FBI agents to their own thoughts and grief over the murdered little girl.

JJ shook her head and took another sip of her whiskey. “Exactly, what’s the point anyway when she’s dead?”

Garcia took JJ’s hand and tilted her chin up so she could look her in the eye. “Listen sweetheart, I am not saying it won’t be tough seeing little Emma’s face on TV the next couple of days and be reminded that we were too late to save her. I know everything seems pointless and heartbreaking right now but you did the right thing when you took this case. We did our best and we put the unsub behind bars. He won’t be able to do this to anyone else ever again. We saw to that and it counts for something.”

“I know… I know. Do you what the worst part is Garcia? The worst part is that I am almost thankful for all the new cases that will be lying on my desk when I walk into work on Monday morning. Because as soon as we have a new case all my focus will be on saving some new person and I won’t be able to think about what happened to that little girl anymore. Isn’t that awful?”

“Well, let’s not forget about her. I know I won’t. Let’s actually mourn Emma Hampton and remember her for the sweet girl she was and not as a victim. Let’s think of everything that seven year-old girl could have been when she grew up and be sad about it. It won’t make us less professional.”

JJ looked at Garcia with earnest admiration. “That’s what I love about you Garcia. You are never afraid to care. After all we have seen on the job you still refuse to get jaded. You are the one in the team who still flinch at the photos from crime scenes. I know it’s not pleasant for you looking all those awful images but it is kind of reassuring to see someone react like you do.”

Garcia gave JJ a tired smile. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to watching crime scenes photos… ”

“What we see in our job is terrible things and some of the worst things humans can do to each other. It’s good to have people around you who don’t act so detached and still can remain human. I remember during the Tobias Hankel case when Emily still was pretty new on the team and she saw what Tobias Hankel had let his dogs do to that woman in his barn... ” JJ involuntarily shuddered at the memory. “It was the worst thing I have ever seen, all the blood and the smell… it was what nightmares are made of… but Emily didn’t even bat an eye and was all business as usual. She behaved like she had been around crime scenes and kidnappings her whole life.”

“Well, don’t you get the feeling Emily is over compensating a lot? She was still new to the team at the time and probably tried to act as über professional as possible. I think she felt she had a lot to prove.” Feeling brave by all the alcohol in her system Garcia decided go on and broach a subject she never dared to talk with JJ about before. “That case was beyond horrible. Did you ever talk to someone about your experiences during the Tobias Hankel case?”

JJ looked down in her glass; this was another topic she found very hard to talk about. “No, not really, Hotch approached me about getting some professional help afterwards but I didn’t take the offer.”

“Why not? I remember how shaken you were when you came to me and demanded to see all those terrible videos. I have never seen you like that before, all robot-like and angry. It scared me.”

“I… ” JJ closed her eyes, not wanting to think about the state of mind she had been in at the time. “It’s tough to think about it, let alone talk about… ” Garcia placed a soothing hand on her shoulder and gave her an encouraging smile. JJ took a deep breath before continuing. “I think I was totally consumed by guilt over what was happening to Reid. We went there together and he got kidnapped and tortured. Watching those videos was some kind of self punishment. It was such a terrible feeling!”

”How do you feel now?”

JJ gave her weak smile and looked like she was about to cry. “Still guilty.”

“You know it was Tobias Hankel who did all that to Reid, not you.”

“I know… but still… I should have protected him.”

“You told me he ran away from you.”

“That’s not an excuse! We were there together; I should have had his back!”

“Oh honey, you have to let go of all that guilt. You know that Reid has a tendency to get whumped in the line of duty and I don’t think it’s all because he is so puppy eyed and cute.”

JJ couldn’t help to smile through her tears. “You think Reid is cute?”

“C’mon the wonder boy is super cute! Don’t you think that? You must do, Derek told me you and he went on a date a while back… “

“I wouldn’t call it a date. He asked me to come to a football game with him. I had to sit there and explain all the rules to him. What, why did you think it was a date? Was it a date??? Reid never gave that impression… I mean… I wouldn’t… ”

“The boy had a crush on you for sure. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed?”

JJ’s incredulous face indicated that she had no idea until now. Garcia couldn’t help herself but to laugh out loud. Suddenly her laugh ended abruptly and she grabbed JJ by the arm in a death grip.

“What?”

“Ooooh, everything is spinning too fast! I think some fresh air would be nice right about NOW!”

The desperate look on pale Garcia’s face told JJ that she wasn’t kidding so she hurriedly dragged her friend out of the bar and into the night.

* * *

Outside they started to realize how incredibly drunk they were. The whole world was tilting and something so simple as walking straight on the pavement felt more or less impossible. Neither JJ nor Garcia could really explain how they got there but they ended up collapsing in a heap under a tree in the park outside the bar. There they lay in silence, looking at the stars in the sky above them for a long time. The park was completely still around them and the night was clear and cold, just one or two degrees above the freezing point.

Finally JJ broke the silence. “It’s beautiful.” JJ could see her breath in front of her in the cold air but funnily enough she didn’t freeze at all.

“Yeah, if the sky would just stop rotating... ”

“How are you feeling?”

“Everything is going round and round and round. I feel like I just have gotten off a rollercoaster after a 48 hour ride.”

JJ couldn’t help laughing. “In a very metaphorical way we actually have gotten off a 48 hour rollercoaster ride. Try to take some deep breaths. Maybe that will help you feel better.”

Garcia took a few deep breaths. The last one sounded a lot more like a yawn. “You are right; it has been one hell of a ride. I feel totally, utterly exhausted.”

“Me too.”

“Boy, this sky is really full of stars isn’t it? I think I can see The Big Dipper.”

“Oh, you mean The Plough?” JJ tried to find her ways around the star constellations above her. “Now I see it! Makes you feel small doesn’t it? Billions of stars and galaxies out there and we are on our little planet living our little lives as if we were the centre of the Universe.”

“Now you are getting waaaay too deep for an ordinary heart to heart between two drunken blondes.” Garcia suddenly got up a little from the ground, resting her head in her hand. “Speaking of Life, The Universe and Everything... who is the mysterious man you are dating and why are you being so secretive about him?”

JJ blushed. “Who is saying I am dating anyone?”

“Do you realize that you are working with a bunch of very gossipy profilers my dear?”

“And here I thought I was being discreet. How stupid of me. Ok, it’s the cop who was helping us on the New Orleans case a while back, William LaMontagne.”

“Really? So how is he? I wasn’t there so I have no idea who he is or what he looks like. Spill it honey!”

“Well, he is handsome in a rugged kind of way. He is a little bit old fashioned so it’s easy to think that he is this typical macho cop when you first meet him but he’s not that way at all. He’s actually one of the sweetest, kindest men I have ever met.”

“Wow, you sound really into this guy.”

“I... I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“I never really thought I would fall so hard for someone. A relationship right now is not a part of my plans.”

“Career girl huh?”

JJ sighed. “You could say that. All my focus has been on the job the last few years. I haven’t really dated anyone seriously since first year of University. I just want to achieve something before I settle down with someone.”

“Well, life has a tendency to surprise you when you the least expect it. He sounds like a keeper.”

“Do you think so? What about you and this Kevin guy?”

Garcia tensed up and became silent. JJ could sense she was uncomfortable talking about this. Though very talkative, Garcia didn’t talk very much about herself at all. Garcia who seemed so open and generous with herself was actually one of the most private persons JJ knew.

“He’s a nice guy. In fact he’s an awesome guy.”

“You are saying that like it is a problem. Is there a problem?”

“It’s hard to explain… ”

“Is it because of Derek?”

Garcia turned around and looked so intensively at JJ that for two awful seconds JJ felt that she maybe had crossed a line talking about Garcia’s and Derek’s close friendship. For as long as they had been working together it had been painfully obvious to everyone in the BAU that the Computer Technician carried a big torch for her handsome colleague.

“No. Derek is the most beautiful person I know and I will always be a little in love with him. He can make all my troubles disappear just by smiling at me. We adore each other but I have never had any kind of illusions of the two of us becoming a couple or anything icky like that. It would ruin our friendship and that is far too precious for the both of us.”

For some weird reason JJ felt it was a relief to hear Garcia say that. She cared about them both and she didn’t want that very special flirty equilibrium between Garcia and Derek Morgan to ever change. She loved listening to their banter over the phone while working; it helped her cope with her work as much as it helped them. “So what is the problem? You just said that Kevin was an awesome guy.”

“That is actually the problem. I am not very good at romantic relationships with awesome people. I have never been with awesome people in that way.”

There was something very heartbreaking in those three sentences and JJ was wise enough to be silent and let her friend continue.

“I have been an outsider my whole life and it might sound weird but I like it that way. Being lonely is actually a lot better than being around people who try to judge or limit me. So I have had these walls up for a long time and it’s getting harder and harder to let anyone in.”

“So what are you saying? You’re not interested in Kevin because you are afraid or because of force of habit?”

“JJ, this is a new situation for me. Most people I have ever been with are guys I don’t like or respect or women who would never commit to a relationship. It was the way I thought it had to be and in a strange way it made my life pretty easy.”

“But being with someone you like is the most wonderful thing there is in life.”

“It can also be devastating. It hasn’t always been easy being me. I have never been the pretty girl next door and I am ok with that. I have always refused to conform and I wear my little freak flag with pride. The hard part is that I have met too many people in my life who can’t accept me for who I am and they have been pretty mean about it.” Garcia made a pause. “To be honest I am terrified of Kevin and what he might do to me if I let him into my life.”

“Garcia, sometimes you have to break your heart a little to be able to use it. You are one of the most generous and amazing people I know. I think you should give Kevin a chance and let him know that fantastic heart of yours.”

Garcia thought about what JJ had said for half a minute. “What if he wants me to be someone that I am not?”

“I don’t think you need to worry about that. Something tells me that Kevin doesn’t want to change anything that is you. He seems to like you.”

“It’s still scary.”

“I know.”

The both of them laid in silence for a long time contemplating their love life while the stars above them slowly travelled across the sky.

“So… you’ve been with… you have had girlfriends?” The awkwardness of JJ’s question made Garcia smile.

”I used to date both women and men. It was mostly when I went to Caltech. I can’t say I have been dating much at all the last couple of years though.”

It took a couple of seconds for JJ to process that information. “Oh... Have you always been attracted to women?”

“People attract me, not the gender… ” It sounded like such a cliché to say that but it was nevertheless true for Garcia.

“So do you consider yourself bisexual?”

“It feels so weird with all the labels but yeah, I guess I am. I think everyone is bisexual to some extent. Don’t you?”

“I… I haven’t thought much about that. Did you date a lot of women?”

“I wouldn’t call myself a big ‘dater’ of women or men. For a while at Caltech I did manage to date four men and three women at the same time though. A lover for each day in the week you could say. Most of them didn’t know about each other at all and it became a big mess in the end. Being a student was a crazy time.”

JJ looked at her friend like she had just met her for the first time. This was such a new side of Garcia that JJ didn’t know what to say.

“Now you look totally freaked out. Have I freaked you out JJ?”

“No, no, not at all! I must admit that I am a little surprised but I am definitely not freaked out.”

Despite JJ’s reassurances it was too obvious that she was uncomfortable with what she just had learned about her friend and the painful silence that followed made Garcia regret her honesty. She loved working with JJ and she really didn’t want anything to be weird between them. In their line of work they couldn’t afford that, they needed 100% of total trust. Some people couldn’t handle their friends being anything but heterosexual and Garcia started to worry that JJ wasn’t as open minded as Garcia first had thought and now their close friendship was lost to some drunken, careless words. Damn that last drink!

“So… is kissing a woman different?”

The question came out of nowhere and caught Garcia completely off guard. She glanced over at JJ who didn’t look especially freaked out or uncomfortable at all, as a matter of fact JJ looked rather intrigued.

“No not really. Even though the… geography might be a little bit different, it’s all the same.”

“How do you mean?”

“Feelings are what they are no matter if the person you love or are attracted to, is a man or a woman. It’s those feelings that make a kiss magic or not. That and how good kisser the other person is of course.”

JJ couldn’t help smiling at the last statement. “Really?”

The smile was contagious… “Really.”

There was a little moment between them before JJ leaned in and kissed Garcia. Maybe it was all the stress and grief from their latest case, maybe it was all the alcohol consumed that crazy night, or maybe it was all the love and admiration she had for her friend that made JJ do it. It was unexpected and surprised both of them but it was one of the softest, most tender and heartfelt kisses ever.

As Garcia felt JJ’s soft lips against hers she couldn’t help but respond. It was a good kiss - the kind that overwhelms you like a big, wonderful wave. When they finally came up to the surface again both of them were out of breath. Garcia took JJ’s face between her hands searching her friend’s eyes for any kind of hesitation or doubt. It was such a fragile, electrifying moment of raw tenderness that time had stopped around them. They could almost hear their nervous heart’s pounding as they lay entangled under the tree. Neither of them found hesitation, all they saw was love and affection.

JJ’s lips came crashing back down on hers and once again they felt themselves get swept away. The kiss deepened, this time a little hungrier, less inhibited. Whatever they didn’t dare to do the first time around they felt brave enough to do now. They were whiskey combined with the sweet taste of strawberries in a crispy night. It was one of the most romantic experiences in JJ’s entire life.

Afterwards everything felt different. As if all their senses had become wide awake and made the night sharper. Even the stars seemed to glow brighter above them. Lightheaded and exhausted they lay beside each other trying to make sense of what just had happened.

“That was… I-I have never… ” JJ sounded a little winded.

Garcia grinned at her. “Well, this was a much unexpected twist to a very strange and special evening.”

“You could say that again.”

“Not that I am in any way complaining.”

JJ gave Garcia a worried look. “I hope you don’t think I was taking advantage of you. Like I was experimenting or using you like some kind of cheap therapy. I don’t want to hurt your feelings. It is the last thing I want to do.”

”No one is taking advantage of anyone here.” Garcia tucked a strand of hair behind JJ’s ear affectionately. “We were both a little drunk and confused. And that’s ok. I’m happy to oblige.”

JJ nodded, still a little out of breath. They both looked up into the sky and the stars. Somewhere from the city they could hear police siren.

* * *

The cold night finally caught up with them and invaded every muscle and bone in their weary bodies. It was time to go home. Their slow stumble towards Garcia’s apartment was mostly a blur. The only clear memory JJ had of their walk home was the drumming beat from Garcia’s high heels on the pavement. It was a funny sound that filled JJ with warm thoughts even though she was frozen to the bone. This night the Computer Technician was wearing a yellow t-shirt with a black text that said ‘ **YES WE CAN!** ’ together with an old maroon vintage jacket from the 70s, a bright green corduroy skirt and a pair of shoes with a very psychedelic pattern. It was a crazy combination of clothes that no one other than Garcia would have been able to wear. JJ couldn’t help but love her friend’s eccentric style and personality and at the same time appreciate how different the two of them were. Like a lightning bolt from a clear sky JJ realized that if she wouldn’t have worked at the BAU she would probably never have gotten to meet Garcia, let alone get to know her. Suddenly JJ felt thankful for her job no matter how tough and heartbreaking it could be at times. She took her friend’s hand and they continued to walk home through the night.

* * *

When they finally staggered through the door to Garcia’s apartment they felt more like two popsicles than two human beings. Exhausted and with their teeth clattering of cold, all they could think of was getting into a warm bed. Garcia quickly made her sofa into a nice, big and fluffy cot for JJ, with several layers of duvets and covers. She gave her friend the warmest, coziest pajamas she could find before collapsing into her own bed. If they had been sober and thinking like normal people they would probably have had the good sense of taking a hot shower and some tea before going to sleep but they were beyond any logical thinking at this point of the night.

Unfortunately sleep didn’t come easy for JJ and Garcia. Their heads were still full of thoughts from the last couple of days and all the alcohol in their system made them toss and turn. Garcia had almost given up on any kind of rest that night when she suddenly felt JJ crawl into her bed. JJ snuggled up behind her back after giving her a light kiss on the shoulder. The soft snores coming from JJ seconds later indicated that she must have fallen asleep almost immediately after that. Feeling her friend’s warm breath on her neck made Garcia regain some of her warmth. As JJ nuzzled closer in her sleep Garcia felt herself drift away into dreamland as well.

* * *

The next day was strangely enough not awkward at all. They slept through the day in the same bed, snuggling close to each other until very late in the afternoon. There were no ulterior motives, just a need to wake up close to someone you liked and trusted. When they eventually got out of the bed they wandered aimlessly around in the apartment until Garcia served popsicles for breakfast. At JJ’s bewildered look when Garcia gave her the iced lollipop Garcia told her it was the best thing you could have the morning after. And she was right.

The rest of the day turned into an orgy of hangover decadence – a big pile of greasy pizzas, rivers of coca cola, enough ice cream to save the melting poles and the cheesiest films from the 80s they could find. It was a nice and relaxing afternoon far away from the disturbing reality that was their job. There was an unspoken agreement between them to avoid any kind of news that could remind them of poor Emma Hamilton and her terrible fate. JJ and Garcia also did their best to stay away from deep discussions about work or what had happened last night between them. They would of course eventually deal with all of this but not at this particular time, not the day after. All they could handle after their serious night of binge drinking was shallow entertainment and unhealthy food. When JJ finally left Garcia’s place to go home it felt like she was reluctantly leaving a warm, safe bubble for the cold reality outside.

* * *

Coming back to work the next Monday was a nervous affair for the two of them. They were both a little afraid of facing each other, fearing everything between them would be different and awkward. What if they had crossed a line between two colleagues that never should have been crossed? What if feelings were hurt and they would never be able to trust each other again? Thankfully they fell back to being dear friends and colleagues with an easiness that surprised both of them. For this they were very grateful.

If anything their Sapphic little adventure brought them closer together. Even though JJ or Garcia never spoke to anyone of what happened that night it didn’t mean that they were embarrassed or regretted what had happened. They felt it was their night and their secret. The memory they shared together was precious to both of them and it gave them strength when they needed it at work. It could be a warm smile across the room or a soothing touch while being stressed out during a tough case.

The kiss not only gave a new depth to their friendship but it also helped them turn another page in their lives. In many ways JJ knew that her night with Garcia had been crucial regarding her relationship with Will. Any hesitation JJ had felt about Will was gone. What she had with him was real and beautiful and she had reached a point of no return when it came to her feelings toward him. She knew he felt the same way. In many ways that crazy, magic night with Garcia was her last night of freedom before she took the final plunge into adulthood and became a fully, committed woman. Garcia must have felt the same thing because she found the courage she needed to let Kevin into her world. He adored everything about her and Garcia was finally able to be with someone she liked and respected. It was scary but it was also wonderful. The two of them were truly a match made in heaven.

Both JJ and Garcia would look back on their night together with gratitude for the rest of their lives. In their line of work it is easy to lose their footing and the kiss they shared made them feel less alone and more human than they had felt in a long time. They would never forget their evening together and they would never forget little seven year old Emma Hampton.

 

The End


End file.
